Mason has ARRIVED!

Hi All! This is Mason's "Auntie" Tiff, one of Amy and George's friends. My job today is to update the blog and keep you all posted! I am VERY pleased and honored to announce that I just received this news:

"Mason arrived at 10:36 am at 5lbs 14oz! He has a full head of hair and is a screamer! :) he is in the NICU now and the docs will need about 2 hours to get settled and do an evaluation. He is BEAUTIFUL!"

I will keep you posted as much as possible and will post any pictures I get! :-) Please continue to send your thoughts and prayers to the whole Lozano family.

It's MAY day!

May day is here!

To let everyone know what the plan is...

We are scheduled to have our CS at Huntington Memorial in Pasadena at 10 am.

Mason will be evaluated, stabilized if needed, and then transferred to the NICU for an echo very soon after, if not immediately after his birth.

We will then finally, hopefully, have our final diagnosis and our plan for Mason

If Mason is to need surgery right away the plan is too keep him at Huntington for a few days to a week where he will then be transferred to Children's hospital in LA where he will have his surgery. The Dr's tell us that if he does need surgery we need to plan on being in LA for at least two weeks.

I hope to be able to update the blog tomorrow asap but if not myself than I am going to ask a friend to do it for me.

Please keep Mason in your thoughts, and if you pray, send him prayers. We will be ever so grateful if you could.

There is still a chance that the Dr's will find his condition not as serious as they thought.

We are on this road filled with hope. Thank you for not letting us travel it alone.

No thank you Mr frost

These are just rambling thoughts that, although very personal, I feel important to get down in writting so someday when your much older you can see where I was, and what I was thinking.

One of the poet Robert Frost's more famous works is a poem titled The road not taken (though many people, including myself, mistakenly think the title is The road less taken).

I think I heard it the first time in the 90's in a movie called The Dead Poets society. It has several verses but them most often quoted are the last three lines of the poem.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I think the most wide-spread interpretation of the poem is that it is about promoting individualism and non-conformity. Some say that the author Frost meant nothing like that but the beauty about poetry, and music, and art, and all the subjective things is all that really matters is the interpretation of the individual.

For me it has always been about choices, and chances, and being brave enough to choose the harder but more rewarding road. Looking back on my life I'm pretty proud to say that, when it came to the most pretty hard choices, I have taken the harder road and it has in fact made all the difference.

I walked away from a place that was easy and safe (but not happy) and started my life over at 31 with a clean, if a little bruised, slate. I moved away from my childhood, my mother, and everything I had known to a place where I only knew my sister and her family because I just felt that this was were my future was. I turned down a lot of men who were fine, maybe even great, but not the one for me and chose to be alone rather than ever settle. I walked away from a man whom I thought at the time was the love of my life (but not a healthy love) though it broke my heart to do so. I opened my heart one last time, and changed my previous habits, and met your father who, next to you and your brother, is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

I look back and time and time again I'm proud of my choices, and blessed by the outcomes, because they have all lead to here. To your father, your brother, and now to you.

So the other day when I was thinking about you and about this place we find ourselves in I was thinking about this poem, and the roads traveled, and I came to realize...

I didn't chose this road we find ourselves on. Nor would I.

In fact, most of the roads that I have been on that have resulted in great shifts in my perception, altered my character, have not been ones that I have chosen. Rather ones I find myself on quite unwillingly.

Most involve sickness, and death, usually of a loved one, and I did not chose the road, but it's one I'm on it all the same.

So now I'm thinking where's the poem for the roads we didn't chose to be on? Where's the great wisdom? What now Mr. Frost?

No answer....didn't think so.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
Well I in this case I would just rather chose the easy road if it's all the same to you. I'm OK with no personal growth, no great shift in my understanding, or change in character. If it's all the same I'd rather take the well traveld road this time.

I didn't chose this road, I wouldn't chose this road, but I'm on it all the same.

So then what is it that makes a difference with the roads we didn't chose to be on? Do we raise our fist at the heavens and curse our luck? Do we cry out at the unfairness of it all. Do we curse and condemn everyone who isn't forced onto this road like we have been?

Or maybe is it? When we find ourselves on these roads that we didn't chose, that wouldn't chose, it's about acceptance and about traveling it with courage, and grace, and hope.

I did not chose this road that we find ourselves on, nor would I, but we are on it all the same. I accept it and go forward and maybe, just maybe, that is what makes all the difference.

I will be giving birth to you in just a few hours and I don't know what today will bring.

It's your father and my greatest wish and hope that you will be born, and the Dr's will find your condition is not as serious as they thought. That we will have you home in a few days and will wait a few months till your bigger and stronger for your surgery. Then we will all laugh and shake our heads over these months of worry, and tears, and preparation (and your Dad will be mad at me when he has to carry my enormous suitcase that I didn't end up needing back up the stairs). :)

Or maybe you are a serious as they think and we will be in for a long scary time that will eventually lead you home and hopefully well.

Maybe we will have to face the unthinkable and not be bringing you home and somehow your father and I will have to find someway to exist without you though I don't see how that is possible.

Whatever happens tomorrow I have no regrets and I wouldn't change a thing. Equal only to your brother, being your mother has been the greatest privilege of my life and loving you is worth anything, and everything it cost.

There are so many people vested in your outcome, your father, your grandmothers, your aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family. Our dearest and best of friends, the Dr's, nurses, and 100's of other staff. There are even internet strangers friends who will never meet you, who are praying for you and keeping you in their thoughts. I don't want to take anything away from them. They are all so important in your care and future.

But for just this moment I want to be selfish and it be just about you, and I.

I am your mother. I have willed you into being. I have carried you in my womb. Of all the realtionship you will have in your life there will be none other like the one you have with me.

We are on this road that we did not chose together you and I my love.

I will not leave you. I will never stop fighting for you. I will never quit.. I will never give up hope. I will love you, unconditionally for always.

Mommy

Just this and that...

A few things I wanted to show you and for me to remember.

I've always like to give food to my nurses. I know as a nurse I always appreciated it when my families brought me something. For the record I've never done more for a family that brought me something, I've never done less for a family that didn't. But it was always nice to be appreciated.
Since I knew we would be in the hospital, and I knew I would want to give the nurses a treat, I've been couponing for the nurses gifts and I've managed to get quite a stash for almost nothing.

It's hard to pack to be away for 3 weeks. We've used storage boxes to organize everything and pack it away. It's enough to almost fill the mini van.

We got your name letters for the nursery just like we have for Pierce. I'm thinking after were home and settled we will have to hang both sets up on the wall instead of filling up the book case.

I have a few pictures with magnets for your isolate (they say - "my family", "mommy & me", and "my brother"). I also made a name display for you. The Mason was straighter but your brother pulled all the letters off and I never could get them back on as straight.

Daddy's co-workers threw him a baby shower at work. I think he was totally surprised and very touched by their thoughtfulness.

My birthday flowers from your Dad. It says "To the mother of my children" - I love it.

Your Auntie Tiff had this button made up for you. I don't have the words to describe how much it means to me.

Many of my friends on Facebook have changed their icon to the CDH ribbon for your birth tomorrow. It's almost a sea of them. I continue to be overwhelmed by their love and support.

An apple a day? Yeah right!

I've been doing the math (not my strong point) and trying to figure out how many Dr's appointments we've had. It's pretty fair to say I had at least 1 a week, sometimes 4, so 2 a week would be a pretty good average. So 2 x 40 weeks would put us at 80. But that seems too high so I think, since I'm making a none to educated guess, 60 would be about right.

60 Dr's appointments. Boggles the mind.


If you go all the way back with the Fertility Dr we saw we've seen. Fertility specialist, primary Dr, OB, Perinatologist, Hematologist, 7 iron transfusions, back to the Perinatologist. Then the echos, the cardiologist, the non-stress test, and then finally the new OB.

Since we love our primary Dr, Dr Eshom, who's offices are in Arcadia. All of our Dr's and referrals are a minimum drive of 45 minuets and that's without traffic. So about an hour drive one way, usually at least an hour wait to see the Dr, 10 minuets with the Dr, an hour and a half drive home (always more traffic on the way home you know), then usually a stop at the lab.

The way I figure it each one of those appointments took at least 4 hours.

So 4 x 60 = 240 hrs spent on Dr's appointments. Whew!!

Worth every second and I would do it again in a heartbeat for you, and again, and again.

I know once your born it's going to be a whole new ballgame and we will get a whole new set of Dr's but, at least for the pregnancy part, we're done.

So our last two were this Monday and I would just like it noted that in keeping with my track record I was late to both. :) Well actually I was late to the first one (having too much fun visiting with Aunt Tiff and Aunt Lori at lunch) and you made us late for the second.

At the non-stress test you were very flat. The had now decied, since you have complications with your heart, that they didn't want to buzz you so we couldn't get you to wake up. We tried a few things then finally I just asked for a glass of cold water and drank it really fast. That did the trick!



You went from a heart rate of 120's and 1 movement in 20 minuets to a heart rate of 145 and moving about 1 time every 30 seconds. To be safe they kept us there for the whole hour and by the time we were done our 20 minuet appointment took 120 minuets.


I have to say that it was good for my piece of mind. For the last day or so I've notice that while I feel you move, it's been a whole lot less than it has been.


I actually lost it the other day when I couldn't get you to move. I tried everything that usually works, lying on my side, drinking something cold, eating sugar, pushing on my tummy, and then finally I laid right on my stomach and squished you. But I got nothing.

I woke your Dad up crying, saying I couldn't get you to move, and then we both tried for a little bit.

After another 10 minuets or so I defiantly felt you move and was so relieved.

So as I lay there hooked up to the monitor during the stress test I could see you moving, and realized that I could barley feel it. I think you must have dropped down, or changed position or something.

But your still there, your still moving, and that's all I need to know.

So these are the last two US pics I will have of you (I think I may have about 100 of them). I wanted them here so you could see.

When these scans were taken we were at 39 weeks in the pregnancy.

Your head circumference measures large enough to put you at 40 weeks and 4 days and a due date of 12/30/10. You femur measurement puts you at 39 weeks with a due date of 1/10/11.

So that makes you tall and skinny with a BIG head. Just like your brother.

I can't wait to meet you you big headed baby you!

Your head circumference

Your femur measurement

Celebrating a life today ...

Baby Andrew's rainbow at Disney World taken by his mom

We had been planing a vacation with our families Disney World for a few years. First we were going to take my side of the family, then the next year we were going to take Dad's side. The only question was when as we were actively trying to get pregnant with you.

Naively we assumed that since we got pregnant our first month of trying with your brother it would happen the same when we tried again so we decided to wait till we were pregnant and to plan the trip.

Well over a year later, and two unsuccessful fertility treatments, we didn't want to wait any longer and booked the trip to travel in early January 2011.

Not a week later we found out we were pregnant with you and our due date was the exact week we had booked our trip (you knew that was coming right?).

No problem, we just pushed our vacation back as far as we could and planned on taking you with us. The condos are just like staying at home and I would have your Granny, Aunt JJ, Uncle Pat, Lauren and Jonathan there to help us. We thought it was pretty funny that the your first trip to Disney World would be at 2.5 weeks old. How spoiled can you get?

Then we got the diagnosis about your heart and everything changed.

Our world became about Dr's visits, and scary diagnoses. Disney World and thoughts of vacation were far from our minds.

We tried to see if the vacation club would let us cancel the reservation for medical reasons but the rules are very clear and there was nothing we could do about losing the points. Really we couldn't care less but hated the thought of the points going to waste.

In the beginning of October I started getting into using coupons and one of my favorite sites is Couponing to Disney I had actually started following Kristin's blog in 2009 but it wasn't till this year that I got consistent about it.

About the same time we got your diagnosis Kirstin and her family lost their beautiful baby boy Andrew only 18 weeks into their pregnancy. Your Dad and I were heartbroken for them and felt a deep connection to Andrew and mourned the loss of such a beautiful life.

It felt to real and too close to what we might be facing with you.

When Kristin posted that they were going to take a trip to Disney world to heal as a family and honor Andrew's memory I so wanted to do something nice for them. When I brought it up to your dear, generous hearted Dad, he suggested that we let them use the points for their vacation. To us it feels like a wonderful way to honor both you and Andrew.

So today Kristin and her family started their vacation. She was even able to surprise her husband with where they were staying. Both Dad and I have smiles from ear to ear watching the video of her telling the kids and surprising her husband and we just love their accents!

Although it might see like we are giving them a gift both Dad and I feel like we are the ones getting a gift. We have been so excited these last few weeks waiting for Kristin and her family to get time together to heal and enjoy some Disney magic. It has been so nice to have such a happy thing to look forward to.

So today we celebrate you sweet Andrew. Even though your life was short you touched many. Really we wish both you and Mason were there to enjoy Disney world together. We think the two of you would have been great friends!

Enjoy your vacation Cooper family! Thank you for letting us be a part of it.

I just don't understand it

Another CHD baby Parker lost his fight today. He was only 11 days old.

11 days. I can't get him out of my mind or his mother. After a long struggle with infertility she only had her baby for 11 days.

Life isn't fair.

A few facts about Congenital Heart Defects

•Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 birth defect.

•Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 cause of birth defect related deaths.

•About 1 out of every 100 babies are born each year with some type of Congenital Heart Defect. (approx. 40,000/year)

•Nearly twice as many children die from Congenital Heart Defects in the United States each year as from all forms of childhood cancers combined, yet funding for pediatric cancer research is five times higher than funding for CHD.

•The American Heart Association directs only $0.30 of every dollar donated toward research. The remainder goes toward administration, education and fund raising efforts. Of the $0.30 that goes toward research only $0.01 goes toward pediatric cardiology for CHD.

•This year approximately 4,000 babies will not live to see their first birthday because of Congenital Heart Defects.

•The cost for inpatient surgery to repair Congenital Heart Defects exceeds $2.2 billion a year.

•Of every dollar the government spends on medical funding only a fraction of a penny is directed toward Congenital Heart Defect research.

Goodbye sweet Parker. Fly free on untethered wings.