To hope or not to hope...

That is the question.

Whether it is better to let our hopes get up and imagine ourselves heading soon for home and deal with how painful the crash will be if the surgery doesn't work.

Or is it better to figure we are staying here for the foreseeable future protecting our hearts and our hope and holding onto what little stamina we have left.

I think the second choice might be smarter but it's too already late or maybe it just impossible.

Our hopes are up. Your Dad and I are already making plans, and list, no matter how hard we try we just can't figure out a way not to get our hopes up. I guess there really isn't a way to protect your heart when you love.

So...

So we wait again, we hope again, and we love you.

Yesterday and today your doing well.

Your Dad and I just had to go home for the day to take care of business which of course landed one day after your surgery. We really didn't know what we were going to do we absolutely had to go home for the morning but just couldn't leave you alone the day after surgery.

Aunt JJ to the rescue! She came and stayed with you. She got here in the evening on Monday and stayed with you till around 3 am the got a few hours sleep and then stayed by your side till I got back the next afternoon. I just don't know what we would have done without her.

Within minuets of getting her she got your pain meds increased and you rested comfortably with her watching over you. Don't worry baby. Aunt JJ's got your back too.

Overall your doing really well. You are really swollen with all the fluids they gave you during surgery (your weight went from (3.5 kb to 3.75 kg) and with the increased levels of pain medication your getting they deiced to keep you on the breathing machine an extra day. You also needed another blood transfusion most likely from all the lab draws they are doing on you.

While you are on the breathing machine you are on room air and your labs look amazing so that's hopeful. Your feeding tube site is tender but looks great and is draining a tiny bit of fluids which is a good sign that your tummy is already starting to work again.

I was talking about how sad I was that I didn't get your footprints done or your first photos done like most babies do so Tania was nice enough to get your prints for me. I'm so happy I have them.


((Sigh)) look at your hair! I think you look like something out of the Mad Max movies.

My swollen half bald beautiful baby boy!

So today we are waiting for the Dr's to do their rounds to find out what the plans are for the day. We think they are going to start weaning you off the pain meds and get you off the breathing machine sometime today. We think they are also planning on starting your feeding again a little at a time.

Well what I do know is that we are one day closer to getting home no matter when that ends up being and that's a very hopeful, and happy thing.