From the highest of highs...

to the lowest of lows

You remain off the ventilator but your struggling.

Your heart rate has been dropping down to the 100's and at the same time your oxygen saturation level has been dropping to the low 80's (should be 95% or better).

You still have a lot of thick secretions and your just working so hard to breath. They have started breathing treatments, and lasix to help you get rid of more fluids. But my heart is heavy with the thought that you might go back on the breathing machine before too long.

They have you hooked up to a 12 lead EKG trying to capture when your heart rate drops so they can get an idea of why it's happening but of course you haven't dropped your rate since they hooked you up.

Your lab work all looks good so the nurses keep reassuring me that your fine but, while I may not have any experience with babies, I have years of experience with respiratory failure and I don't like what I see.

I hope I'm wrong. I would love to be wrong.

Your Dad has been by your bedside all day and is going to keep an eye on you while I get a couple hours of sleep. Then I will come back and keep watch till the morning.

Your Granny is coming in the morning to sit with you so we can get some sleep.

Your eyes are open and you are looking at us. You just look so uncomfortable as you work so hard to breath and I ache to hold you and comfort you. But it's not safe while your not doing well.

Your heart rate just dropped again. It's hard not feel a little lower each time it happens.