Sunday, September 4, 2011

We aren't going home today

We aren't going home anytime in the near future.

You wound is bad. Real bad.

The first few dressing changes it didn't look like much really. The we got a bad one with lots of pus and drainage, then another one that didn't look so bad.

Then last night, while working with nurse Jessica (<-adore her) we found tunneling in your wound.

Not good.

In fact really bad.

Dr Bailey came in this morning and did the dressing change himself. I tried to get here on time but just missed it. The nurse tells me he really went in and cleaned the wound out and opened it up.

If it doesn't start getting better they will have to go in and open you up more and debride the wound.

It's just all bad.

Before we found the tunneling Dr Bailey said we would need at least 5 more days of antibiotics. Now I don't know what the treatment plan is or how long we might be in here.

You on Morphine.

I finally put my foot down and insisted on some pain meds and funny enough you now have more than I really wanted.

Morphine for your dressing changes, Tylenol with Codeine for general pain, and a sedative to help you sleep at night.

I'm good with you getting the Tylenol #3. After seeing your wound and what it takes to clean it I'm all for the Morphine too at least for a day or two.

The sedative I don't really want and don't think I will let them give to you but I will wait and see what happens.

I can't pretend that this is anything but hard. We are at a point, physically, mentally, emotionally, (and just to make it really fun) financially, where we just don't know what we are going to do.

But what choice to we have but to keep doing the best we can everyday and get you home as soon as possible.

Today I left your bedside to get some lunch. I was only gone 10 minuets at most.

I had asked the nurse to keep an eye on you but when I came back you were screaming, red, and dripping sweat, you were so upset. I'm pretty sure you had been screaming the entire time I was gone and that the nurse didn't check in on you at all.

This is why I don't and won't leave you. The nurses don't even try and get us to step out anymore. We are the parents that don't leave.

I miss Pierce so much it hurts to think of him.

It's another one of those days where I'm just going to be sad for a while. I will get over it.

I forgot to mention in my last post a big THANK YOU to my niece Whitney who brought Pierce here and then sat with you so brother and I could spend a little time together. It's amazing how those little visits can do so much to restore me and hurt so much at the same time.

The card brother made you

Your Granny came and stayed with you all day yesterday allowing Dad and I some time away from the hospital. She even held you for two hours while you slept. Again she took care of you while taking care of me. We are both lucky to have her.

Another baby passed away today. I can hear the family crying as they pass by in the hall.

I ache for them.

How did I get here? This place where loss is so common.

I'm going to finish this post and hold you.

and hold you

and hold you

and say a prayer of thanks that I can.


dxeechick said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm going to take a moment and squeeze my little one too. We'll send extra happy thoughts your way. I'm so upset about this, I can't even tell you. I'm wishing you the best best best outcome possible. XOXOXO + a little extra xoxo.

Pudgy Pencils said... Best Blogger Tips

oh my goodness, i just want to hug you, I am so sorry things are so rough for your sweet Mason...I so know how hard it is to come back from finally breaking yourself away from the bedside only to find him crying. we are saying extra prayers for you all tonight, that light will be at the end of this tunnel and tomorrow will be the beginning of the upward trend! take care, and try to get some rest. you are an inspiring family!!

Publix Coupon Queen said... Best Blogger Tips

Father God,
Please bring peace and healing in this time. Please comfort mommy and this sweet baby! Please ease the pains and still the raging waters! Please love her as only You can.
In Jesus name,

Molly said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm going to give my Alice even more snuggles and hope and pray that she and Mason get better soon and get to go home soon!

Mandy said... Best Blogger Tips

My heart hurts for you and your family. I am praying with a vengeance that Mason will rapidly recover from this setback. I am also praying for relief for you, in whatever form you may need at the time: physical, mental, emotional, and financial. Please don't hesitate to speak with a patient advocate if you feel like the nurses aren't giving Mason the loving care he needs and deserves. If you don't speak up for Mason, no one will.

Sarah Elizabeth said... Best Blogger Tips

My heart is aching for you my friend...I'm sending prayers, good thoughts and love to all of you. <3

Leslie said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm so sorry, Amy. :( What a brave little boy you have. You guys are in my thoughts. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, like keeping an eye on the house, feeding your dog, etc. Anything. xoxo

Denise said... Best Blogger Tips

I am so incredibly sorry you are even on this path. Sending nothing but good thoughts, prayers and a lifetime of peace to you!!

sherthebear said... Best Blogger Tips

My heart is aching and every night we pray for Mason to go home soon.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

So many thoughts and prayers for you Mason- and mommy, daddy and Pierce too. Lots of love and prayers for quick healing!

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Prayers for you all tonight. :)

goodgirrl79 said... Best Blogger Tips

We've been praying for Mason. I'm so sad to hear that things are getting worse rather than better. We will continue to pray for Mason's healing. Hang in there, all of you. You are amazingly strong and amazing parents. I'm sure you think that you are just doing what any parent would do, but sadly not every little one has a Mama so willing to fight for what is right for her baby. You continue to be an inspiration to me. HUGS and prayers:)