I was by your bed side last night, and for the first time the thought of you not coming home has entered my mind. could you be too sick?
When I think what you have been through, I just cannot believe that. But the thought stills creeps into my mind. Here in the dark it is easy to let your thoughts wonder. I have seen kid after kid go home and we are still here. I am so happy for the families that are going home but every time another one goes home I ask why not you.
You are losing weight and still no feeding, the word is tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. At what point have we asked too much of your little body? When I look into your eyes I see a fighter, but I wonder if we have asked to much of you? Your Mom or I would gladly trade places. I could use to loose some weight.
I can see that you are over the testing and poking, all I can do to comfort you is caress your forehead and sing to you. I can only hope that it is comforting to you.
I am tyring so hard to stay upbeat and positive but I think today I have hit bottom. I know tomorrow will be a better day.
Aunt Tiff came by and gave your mother some needed distraction time. Lately the only time we smile is when we make our plans to take you home. We are making a list for that too. if you could only see the amount of stuff have have managed to get in our little room.
I wish I was stronger, our family needs me to be. In a way this experience is making me a better father and a stronger man. For that and so many other tings I thank you my son.
2 weeks ago